What Is a Toxic Relationship?

Salvabrani.com – A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.

On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in just about any context, from the playground to the boardroom to the bedroom. You may even deal with toxic relationships among your family members.

People with mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, major depression, or even depressive tendencies, may be particularly susceptible to toxic relationships since they are already sensitive to negative emotions.

For example, someone with bipolar disorder who is in the midst of a mixed or depressive episode may have a somewhat weaker grip on emotional stability than others, and that may make that person an easier target for toxic people. However, toxic people can affect anyone.

Here’s what you need to know about toxic relationships, including what makes a relationship toxic and how to determine if you’re in one. You’ll also find tips for effective ways to manage these types of relationships, such as going to online therapy or online couples counseling.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Only you can tell if the bad outweighs the good in a relationship. But if someone consistently threatens your well-being by what they’re saying, doing, or not doing, it’s likely a toxic relationship.

Relationships that involve physical or verbal abuse are definitely classified as toxic. But there are other, more subtle, signs of a toxic relationship, including:

You give more than you’re getting, which makes you feel devalued and depleted.
You feel consistently disrespected or that your needs aren’t being met.
You feel a toll on your self-esteem over time.
You feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.
You feel depressed, angry, or tired after speaking or being with the other person.
You bring out the worst in each other. For example, your competitive friend brings out a spite-based competitive streak that is not enjoyable for you.
You are not your best self around the person. For example, they bring out the gossipy side of you, or they seem to draw out a mean streak you don’t normally have.
You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around this person to keep from becoming a target of their venom.
You spend a lot of time and emotional strength trying to cheer them up.
You are always to blame. They turn things around so things you thought they had done wrong are suddenly your fault.

Toxic vs. Abusive Relationships

Not all toxic relationships are abusive; however, all abusive relationships can be considered toxic.

In a toxic relationship, there is usually a lack of respect and a violation of boundaries. Sometimes, this behavior occurs without the person even realizing they’re doing it.

But, if this kind of behavior is consistently repeated with the active intent to harm the other person, the relationship could be considered abusive.

Abuse can take many forms—such as psychological, emotional, and physical abuse. Abusive relationships tend to also follow the cycle of abuse. For example, the stages of the cycle of abuse usually involve:1

Tension starts to build.
An act of abuse occurs.
The person who committed the act apologizes, blames the victim, or minimizes the abuse.
There is a period of time during which no abuse occurs; however, the cycle eventually repeats.
In addition, toxic relationships may be more subjective than abusive ones. For instance, if you have a history of being lied to, you might consider anyone who lies a toxic person; someone else might be more willing to let it slide and give the person who lied a second chance.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse of any kind, there are resources that can help.

Toxic vs. Healthy Behavior

When determining if a relationship is creating toxicity, it’s important to look at which behaviors are being displayed most frequently in the relationship.

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

In other words, if one or both of you are consistently selfish, negative, and disrespectful, you could be creating toxicity in the relationship. But if you’re mostly encouraging, compassionate, and respectful, then there might just be certain issues that create toxicity that need to be addressed.

It’s important to recognize the signs of toxicity—whether it’s in you or in the other person. Here are some signs of both toxic behaviors and healthy behaviors.

Types of Toxic Relationships

It’s important to note that toxic relationships are not limited to romantic relationships. They exist in families, in the workplace, and among friend groups—and they can be extremely stressful, especially if the toxicity isn’t effectively managed.

When there are negative behaviors: Some people’s constant complaining, critical remarks, and overall negativity create a toxic environment. Other toxic traits may include perfectionism, unhealthy competitiveness, and frequent lying. A person may also let their insecurities bring out the worst in them.

When one (or both) people lack self-awareness: Sometimes people are unaware of their negative effect on others. They also may not know healthier ways to communicate. It’s likely that they don’t know how to read social cues well enough to know when they’re frustrating people or making them feel like they are being criticized or ignored.
When a person intentionally hurts others: Some people are deliberately rude and hurtful. In these situations, you may feel singled out and targeted through their mean words and actions. A person may also try to control or manipulate you, which is toxic behavior.
When a partner is constantly cheating: If an intimate partner lies and cheats without even trying to change their behavior, it adds a toxic element to the relationship.
When a person is abusive: When people repeatedly and intentionally hurt you, their behavior can be considered abusive. Whether they are constantly gossiping about you, or they are physically harming you in any way, abuse is never OK.

Toxic Behavior

  • Insecure
  • Jealous
  • Negative
  • Self-centered
  • Selfish
  • Critical
  • Demeaning
  • Distrusting
  • Abusive
  • Disrespectful
Healthy Behavior

  • Secure
  • Loving
  • Positive
  • Giving
  • Selfless
  • Encouraging
  • Uplifting
  • Trustworthy
  • Compassionate
  • Respectful