Know What is Possessiveness, A Restraining Trait in Relationships and How to Overcome It – Possessiveness is a negative trait that is often displayed in a romantic relationship. Possessiveness towards a partner will usually only damage or exacerbate a romantic relationship. There are many reasons for a partner to become possessive, such as having trust issues, being jealous, or having low self-esteem.

Possessiveness denotes a manic state of mind in which a person cannot accept sharing the thing or person he is obsessed with. Here, the word ‘mania’ is used because it denotes the extremity of the condition. Possessive nature can be directed at anything, not just limited to humans. This trait is indicated as a weakness.

Possessiveness springs from insecurity and other feelings of doubt. Possession reflects wounded self-esteem and a sense of inferiority. This is a very dangerous emotion, especially in relationships. Because if not controlled, this nature will only bring damage in the end.

Here’s more about what possessiveness is and why this trait will only have a negative impact if it’s not stopped immediately. Complete accompanied by how to deal with what is possessive so you can avoid the danger.

Know What is Possessive

In the Big Indonesian Dictionary (KBBI), the meaning of what is possessive is to feel like an owner; have jealousy. Possessiveness is an attitude that is shown to control life or dominate something or someone and the feeling of wanting to have a partner excessively.

This attitude can range from passive actions such as feelings of displeasure and annoyance to aggressive actions such as attacking a partner. This could include strict ownership or some other type of relationship to a greater or lesser degree.

Possessive dating can occur when a person is in a position of always wanting to know about their partner and limits every space for their partner to move because of the fear of losing or having a feeling of ‘owning’ that is too high (Fitriani, 2013: 1), as cited in the publication by Udayana University.

According to Goldie (2002), unhealthy and excessive possessiveness involves not only a strong urge to protect loved ones but also a compulsive need to control one’s partner’s thoughts and feelings. In other words, the possessive partner wants to be the only source of happiness for the partner or the relationship and as a result gets angry if the partner has other interests as well.

People with possessive tendencies usually suffer from low self-esteem and therefore tend to be constantly on guard. This is the belief that severe possessiveness can be like a vicious cycle in which the partner will struggle to break free.

As a result, possessiveness makes it more difficult to develop feelings of mutual love. Nelson (1997), who agrees with Hauck and Goldie’s views, states that possessive partners stem from selfish individuals who only care about themselves.

Know What is Possessiveness, A Restraining Trait in Relationships and How to Overcome It

Negative Impact of Possessive Traits

Possessive shows a situation where a person cannot accept to share something with people around him. No one in this world is free from possession because everyone has something in their life but what becomes a problem is when a person starts getting addiction and craving for a thing or even obsession with someone.

Possessiveness can also reflect a person’s weakness. Possessiveness will only cause a lot of emotions such as fear, jealousy, anger and many more. Therefore, people who fall into what is possessive can never stay happy, they are even always and afraid and always feel that they will be abandoned by the people they love.

The negative side of a relationship that has a possessive attitude will have an impact on psychological health, which in turn will lead to violence in dating relationships (Albantani, 2018). This violence can be in the form of verbal violence which can make partners feel depressed as a result of pressure coming from their partners, feelings of disappointment, fear and anger that they cannot express (Luhulima, in Nurhaniyah, 2016: 3).

How to Overcome Possessiveness

You may not notice it right away if your partner is possessive. Even at first, most couples view the early act of possessiveness as sweet attention, and think that their partner is putting your best interests first.

However, these moments can turn toxic over time, so it’s best to stop quickly. Here are some ways to overcome possessiveness that you can try, launching from

1. Forget the past.

2. Don’t overdo it.

The more you worry about your partner not loving you or being honest with you, the more you will push him away. You must have faith that you are loved by your partner because he or she has chosen to be in a relationship with you.

3. Live your own life.

If you have your own job, your own hobbies, and your own social life, you will be a more attractive person to your partner. Spending time together is certainly important, but it’s also nice to spend time apart and have things to share and talk about when you meet.

4. Avoid jealousy.

Jealousy can not only kill a relationship fast, but it will also make you feel bitter and hateful in everyday life. Turn that attitude into something positive by realizing that your partner has chosen you because you are such a great and quality person.

5. Get to know each other’s friends.


The best way not to be jealous is to be familiar with each other’s social environment. If you know who your partner is spending time with, then there will be no reason to worry.